The way i see it, I've never been that great with money. It has always fallen in the same category as THINGS. I lose things. Easily and often, because I truthfully just see them as stuff (a. Unspecified material, or b)Worthless objects). This is both good (because i am not attached to material things) and terribly bad, (because sometimes the stuff i lose is very important to other people). The common theme here though, is a lack of aknowledgement of VALUE. To me, money is just money and there will always be enough one way or another, and THINGS are completely replaceable, because there will always be enough money, somewhere somehow to replace the things I have lost. I have often lost things, because I don't acknowledge their value.
Wasteful cycle.
I'm getting to the bottom of it slowly though.
MISTAKES MISTAKES MISTAKES
When i was a kid, we didn't have a lot of money- so when I got my first job at 16-
all I could think of was spreading the wealth with friends that didn't have it- because i knew how it felt to want. it also felt great to be able to help someone else- even if it meant i was left wanting again before long.
When i went traveling, i'd run out of money, and max out my $500 limit credit card. i'd randomly keep trying it even though i knew it should be maxed, but it kept working. Unbeknownst to me, my grandparents were getting the bills back home, and paying off the card. They were trying to help,
but it just strengthened that belief that money will always come from someone/somewhere when needed. No value.
Then i went to school, with help from EI. No student loans, just a minimal line of credit to help with odds and ends that EI didn't pay for- When school was done and it was time to pay off my line of credit- Grandma and grandpa, I'm embarrassed to say, decided to pay it off for me. How could i say no? Did I mention they also helped me buy me first vehicle, a scooter, and then bought be a brand new car for school.
I was spoiled financially and it has ruined my outlook on money and how one ought to be with finances.
Making more money hasn't helped either. I have just bought whatever i wanted.
because i have money in RSP's, and give to charity, i've lied to myself about my financial situation-in reality if I lost my job tomorrow, i'd be screwed if I didn't find a job straight away! there is no "emergency fund" for mortgage payments and bills.
I am airing this dirty laundry because i am making a vow to do something about this. No more eating out 4 times/week. no more buying all organic groceries. no more shopping for new must have clothes. or thrift shopping for that matter. I HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES. SOOOOOO MANY CLOTHES.
Truthfully- I don't even KNOW where all my money goes! (Not gonna lie- beer probly plays a role in this mystery) So it is my first responsibility to write these things down.
wish me luck.
